Undermining Ourselves And Others

Subvert, weaken, derail, sabotage – these are all synonyms for the concept of “undermine”. Here’s a great example to illustrate all of these terms:order cialis

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Daughter, displaying a handful of photos: “Look at these wonderful pictures of my boyfriend and me on vacation!” The pictures show the happy couple playing in the surf, eating meals, and taking in the sights. “Don’t we look great together?” she asks her mother.

Mother: “You look happy to be with him.”

You couldn’t find a more perfect illustration of undermining someone’s faith in a relationship. Why deflate her happiness, weaken her self confidence, derail the relationship? It is irrelevant who had the more loving gaze. Why would the mother undermine her daughter’s pleasure in this relationship? Let’s assume that mom is not mean or sadistic; she loves her daughter and wants her to be happy. Maybe mom is scared, maybe she has little faith in lasting relationships, maybe she really doesn’t want her daughter to grow up and leave home, maybe she sees everything through a negative lens. Maybe, maybe, maybe. What we do know is that certain types of comments undermine people’s confidence.

Don’t think that this is somehow an exclusive mother/daughter thing. We can undermine ourselves; we don’t always need help from others. We can make ourselves feel bad and I believe that many of these subversions come from fear –

fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of being foolish.

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