One Life Per Customer (as far as I know)
The top 10 posts from the last 2 years. I know that everyone else does this as a beginning-of-the-year thing in January, but…..
I was surprised to see which posts received the most hits.
Beginning with # 10 (drum roll, please)
Parents” Problems With Growing Children
We all know that the period of late teen years/early adulthood is a time when young men and women exert their independence, pull away from parents and home, and proceed with graceful or clumsy attempts to define themselves. But do you ever hear anything about their parents? Rarely. Little is written about the moms and dads who also have to make their way through the years of adolescent and post-adolescent rebellion and angst. It can be challenging for everyone.
What do the parents worry about? Some have concerns about whether their kids are ready to launch and will make good decisions. Other parents fear that their growing children will leave for good, emotionally detach, and pull away from them. Some kids do, but in my experience, young adults (and older) dearly want to continue relationships with their parents, BUT it cannot be on the same terms as when they were living at home as teenagers. The young adults want to renegotiate the parent/child thing. Often, it is the parents who have the more difficult time with this change. Parents unwittingly cling to the way relationships used to be; when they had the last word on most matters. As a result, their children pull away harder. Parents are reluctant to give up the idea that they are the bosses (especially since they still pay most of the bills). So… the grown children keep secrets, make excuses, stop asking for advice, hide their thoughts and feelings, and turn to other relationships – if they are lucky enough to have them.
My suggestions to the young adults: 1. reassure your parents, 2. attempt
to tell your parents what you want the relationship to look like, and 3. try not to mess up big time so that they can learn to trust you.
My suggestions to their parents: 1. you
probably did a fine job so trust your kid, 2. there isn’t much you can do now anyway, 3. keep your mouth closed and listen, 4. live with the fact that they may make decisions that you don’t like., 5. have faith that you will have a relationship with your children but it may need to be updated.
Want to read about real problems, check out my mystery novel, Object of Obsession